The exciting tale of my suicide attempt.

[CBMatt]

Taken from my post at the white board...

I'm have returned. Sorry to disappoint you all.

If anyone is at all curious, I've gone on a few small adventures. Sometime back in May (on the 26th, I believe), I took a bus to Oklahoma. Worst fucking experience of my life. Never take the Greyhound anywhere. Especially not halfway across the damn country. While in Oklahoma, I stayed at the Days Inn. Awful hotel, but I got to live in it rockstar-style. About a night after staying there, I saw The Deathray Davies and Spoon. Awesome show. I had a glare-down with the bassist (or maybe he just played a regular guitar) who looks like someone's convict uncle. And the singer from Spoon fell in love with me and wrote a song on the spot all about me called "I Summon You". I was going to partake in an interview with Cody from Ssion and take pictures, but the asshole bailed. Fuck that guy. And his sweet, sweet ass.

I think I did some other stuff, but it apparently sucked, because I seem to have blocked it out of my memory. The only thing I really remember is masturbating to my friend's little sister. Twice. Before leaving, I went to the Gay Pride festival. I was attacked by bears. Not grizzlies; big hairy gay men. Everyone thought my friend and I were a gay couple, which was just fine with me. People already tend to think I'm gay, anyway. I made sure to grab plenty of freebies: lubricated/flavored condoms, stickers, lubrication, dental dam (whatever the hell that is; I wasn't going to ask for a demonstration; I'm just going to assume it's a mouth condom, for use during oral), and hot gay sex. Don't worry, I was the man. After that, I saw Fahrenheit 9/11. Fuckin' awesome movie. If you haven't seen it, you're a bastard. You have dishonored your family name.

I left the next day, because I was reaching the two-week point and that was more than enough. The ride back wasn't quite so bad, but it still sucked. Because I spent all of my $210 on books and CD's, I rode the bus to California with 57 cents. And that was for two days. But I eventually got back, and with everything intact. You'll be proud to know that I didn't nearly attack any large black men because I thought they were stealing my baggage (true story; I didn't know he worked for Greyhound). Since getting back in June, I haven't done a whole lot. I met someone online who lives in my area, so I've been hanging out with her a lot lately. I like stealing her panties. I'm supposed to take her to see Fahrenheit 9/11 while it's still playing. And we plan on seeing Fall Out Boy, Bayside, Armor For Sleep, Name Taken, Dreams of Reality, and The Shelby Snapshot.

That's about it. Nobody gives a damn and frankly, neither do I. But I'm bored. And I know there must be at least one person who's been wondering where I went and what I've been doing. To sleep I go.

<font color="#cd6600" size="1">[ July 17, 2004 11:41 AM: Message edited by: CBMatt ]</font>

[Peter Peeker]

neat!
what's she made of?

[CBMatt]

A log, two balloons, and a Ziploc bag.

[Peter Peeker]

interesting.
I may have to try that.

[sculpey]

Has btmb read this adventure? Quite an interesting vacation.

[Burke-S]

I've often wondered where you were CB

For yr's now I've been waiting for you like the tooth fairy to come and eat at least one kid.
Just the ONE!
You never showed [img]frown.gif[/img] .
Now I've been told Santas not real either.
The only pinkbunny running around is bonedusts custom.
The ones grown now and able to defend himself.
And the last ones got to support me when I'm old and unable to wipe my ass.
I want those christmas cards i sent you back.
I know you saved them.

[toymank]

...she got a sister?

[Peter Peeker]

anxiety builds character.

[CBMatt]

I just realized that I said "I'm have returned". When I'm tired, I apparently type in Engrish.

toymank,
Well, she has two half-sisters. So, I imagine they'd just be stumps. Wokka?

sculpey,
Interesting? I suppose so. Depressing as hell? Most definitely. I had some fun, but there was also a lot of depression and anxiety. Oklahoma is a depressing place. And Texas (one of the states I had to drive through) is even more depressing. That's also where I happened to lose my bus ticket. Luckily, someone found it for me. Ooh, and while in Albuquerque, we all got searched and were put through metal detectors. I was carrying a boxcutter, but nobody found it. However, a Russian foreign exchange student was pulled off the bus, searched even more, had his shoes cut open, and was arrested for cocaine. When my online journal (yes, I'm a 16-year-old girl) is working again, maybe I'll post some of the entries I made while in Oklahoma. They're pretty interesting, but they're very long and probably twice as boring.

Burke-S,
Look, I'm sorry. But, unlike Santa and the Easter Bunny, I'm real. That's why, just like everyone else, I have to spend money to get around. I don't have magic and I can't fly and I certainly can't lure children over. Well, thanks to the internet and AIM, I can finally do that last one but it's really fucking hard sometimes. And after my trip to Oklahoma, I have vowed to never ride the bus again. I've been traumatized. Just give me some time, and I promise you that at least one child will be eaten. Conceive another child and by the time I get there, it should already be about a year old. When you have to pay to support your expensive hobby and you don't have a job, it takes a long time to get anything done. As a homeless toy collector, you should know this by now.

<font color="#cd6600" size="1">[ July 19, 2004 12:21 PM: Message edited by: CBMatt ]</font>

[CBMatt]

It also builds a rash.